and I am bored so...

1. First Name: Rachael

2. Were you named after anyone? Rachel from the Bible...but with an "a" because its prettier...

3. Do you wish on stars? no usually...but I have

4. Which finger is your favorite? thumb

5. When did you last cry? well almost last night...and tonight...but I think it was Monday

6. Do you like your handwritng? most of the time

7. What is your favorite lunchmeat? uh...turkey...I guess

8. Any bad habits? haha...plenty I'm sure

9. What's in your CD player right now?  Mandy Moore...I do believe

10. Do you believe in soul mates? yeah

11. Are you a daredevil? haha...yeah right

12. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to? uh...yeah...sorry to who ever it was...

13. Do looks matter? yeah, you need physical attraction in any relationship...but personality is VERY important

14. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? haha...yeah...the most recent one was "crunchy" talking about how crunchy tacos were better than soft and smooth was better than chunky peanut butter...haha

15. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? sure...why not  

17. Are you trendy? to a certain extent, yes

18. How do you release anger? singing Celine Dion and swearing a lot...I have been known to throw things as well...and hit

19. Where are your second homes? my dorm room...my car...the valley, haha, I LOVE it there

20. Do you trust others easily? oh yeah, not the best thing in the world either

 21. What was your favorite toy as a child? I had a lot...but probably some sort of doll

22. What class in school did you think was totally useless? calculus...when am I honestly ever going to need to know the slope of line or the area under the line; because that is all that calculus is...

23. Do you have a journal? one online that I don't really write in...like ever...and I have attempted a written one but that hasn't worked too well

25. Have you been in a mosh pit? no...I think that I would die in one

26. What do you look for in a girl/guy? someone who can make me smile and always have a good time

27. What are your nicknames? rach, chach, rdiddy, chachie, rachie

 28. Would you ever bungee jump? hmm...me?

29. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? not usually

30. Do you think that you are strong? HAHAHAHA!!!!! it wouldn't matter if I thought that I was strong, it would be a lie

31. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? cookies and cream

32. What's your favorite color? pink, red

33. What is your least favorite food? jelly...its the most disgusting thing ever

34. How many wisdom teeth do you have? four, I think, haven't really been told much about my wisdom teeth

35. Are you in love with anyone?  no I don't think so

36. How many people have a crush on you right now?  ...

37. Who do you miss most right now? ...

38. Do you want everyone you send this to, to send it back? I really don't think that I would care either way

39. What are you wearing? pj pants, a polo shirt, and a long sleeved shirt

40. What are you listening to right now? I'm watching tv

41. Which one of your friends is most observant? hmm

42. What was the last thing you ate? dinner

43. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? melon

44. How is the weather right now? cold, snowy

45. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone? Hallie

46. What do you have planned for tonight? going to bed since it is 11:41 pm

47. What is your ancestrial heritage? I have a lot...

48. What would you change your name to? Olivia

49. Who (that you know) keeps it the most real? I don't know

50. Who would you rather have as a body guard, 1 ninja or 3 pirates?  a ninja

What I have been hoping and waiting to have happen to me since August has happened, surprisingly, shouldn't I be happy?  I don't know how to feel...I am happy but maybe all my friends were right, I am better than what I have been waiting for and now that I have it I have been able to realize it myself...oh I don't know what to do.

It's funny how one person can effect so many aspects of your life, and so greatly for that matter, that they can have such an impact on you that will be carried with you for the rest of your life, all the joy but all the pain that was twenty-fold over the joy.  In so many ways this can be the biggest burden you must endure but at the same time it can cause you such great joy.  I've learned a lot from this experience and I sure have felt a lot of emotions, some that I never would have thought imaginable for me to feel.  I've learned about myself, more than anything else, good things but more importantly that of which I don't like.  I saw characteristics in myself I never thought I would possess, never wanted to possess.  And I think that if it hadn't been for this I would still be holding them and since they have been so evident to me I know that is not what I want, not anymore, not ever. 
I am moving on now, for real this time, actions will be involved not just words.   I'm not going to lie, letting go is hard, maybe one of the hardest things I may have to endure in my lifetime, and it hurts to know that this person will no longer be a part of my life.  BUT at the same time I keep looking to the light at the end of the tunnel, knowing that there will no longer be hurt, pain, or tears; that there will come a day when I no longer think of the person, that they will just be a long lost memory; that I can finally be happy again, that all the joy and happiness that was sucked out of my life will be back because you will be gone. 
I know that this is the right thing to do and I can proudly say that this is the best thing that I can do, for myself...I need to look out for myself now, I haven't done that in months...day by day, little by little, you and the memories will vanish...but my happiness will slowly regain and I can finally be me again. 
This is what I deserve now, actually what I have always deserved, and I am fully looking forward to everything ahead of me...with you in the past and the bright future waiting for me...I can't wait to see what it has in store for me.